Jerkass Genie

Starting a forum game where you try to screw over the previous person's wish, then make your own. I will start.

I wish that I had a computer that could run Achron!

Granted, however the computer has no way of connecting to the internet or to other computers and so can't get Achron onto itself.

I wish I could be one of the gods in this role-play.

Granted, you are now one of the gods playing this game, but with no one to play the part of Imun the story cannot progress past the first turn.

I wish I could travel time and space to places and eras that my safety is guaranteed.

Granted. Since your safety cannot be guaranteed in any place or time, you cannot move through time and space, and are stuck in a state of immobility.

I wish that I could cast magic missile at the darkness.

Granted. Unfortunately the darkness cannot be harmed by such a thing and simply eats you.

I wish for a better laptop.

Granted. The genie gives you an up to date computer. Unfortunately, it has no OS installed and any attempt to install one causes it to crash on boot up.

I wish I did not have to post a wish on this thread.

Granted, you didn’t need to post a wish. So . . . why did you?

I wish for a sandwich to appear in front of me every time I said sandwich.

Granted. Unfortunately the sandwich is always a sand and seashell sandwich and is inedible.

I wish I wasn't so board.

Oralordos wrote:

Granted. Unfortunately the sandwich is always a sand and seashell sandwich and is inedible.

I wish I wasn't so board.

Granted. The genie realizes you meant bored instead of board, and gives you the most interesting life possible, as an achron soldier. Sure, time travel is exciting, but the achron is ordering you to paradox yourself! Is being dead or having clones experiencing hell and not being bored with you worthwhile, determined by Schrödinger's gun?

I wish I could edit the "Jerkass Genie" in the title to mean "Benevolent Genie", so that my wishes were actually granted!

Granted. You actually can! Now why don't you is the real question.

I wish that more than the two of us would be doing this.

Granted! Everyone in the world starts playing and overloads the server!

I wish this was called Corrupt a Wish because that's how I know it!

Granted! But this breaks the forum because only mods can edit page titles and I'm not a mod so I had to hack the server and I don't know hacking so I broke it.
Or something like that.

I wish for a sandwich so big, even the Genie could not eat it.

Granted! The genie isn't omnipotent so there is no paradox and the genie attacks you with the sandwich for even thinking about that paradox!
I wish I knew what would happen if I killed my grandfather before my mum was born!

man why did you have to post before me i was going to make the universe into a sandwich
Granted! You killed your mother’s dad an instant before she was born, not too much is different good thing you didn’t wish to kill him before she was conceived that may have been messy.

I wish I could have Gir as a sidekick during the zombie apocalypse.

Granted! Except Gir is a zombie and you don't survive the zombie apocalypse.

I wish someone would put smilies in their next post. And think up some interesting way to grant an open ended wish.

I’m sure that does not need a translation so I won’t give you one.

I wish for a pet chicken. What could go catastrophically wrong with that?

Granted. You receive several hundred trillion pet chickens, crushing you instantly.

I wish I had more time in my day.

Granted. Time is now frozen, with one apparent day per second. Enjoy your long days.

I wish I had a magic lamp with a Benevolent Genie whenever I said "I want a nice genie!"

Granted. The lamp weighs 250 tons and is crushing your windpipe so you can't speak.

I wish it could be Christmas every day.

Wish granted. http://www.wsu.edu/~campbelld/wdh/xmaseday.html - Since a book thought of a jerkass genie solution before me, this is what happens, enjoy your Christmases that slowly get worse and worse.

I wish that I never made this wish.

Granted. Unfortunately the paradox causes the universe to implode, killing everyone and everything in it.

I wish I had my own private island.

Granted. It is on a planet halfway across the universe. To make matters even worse, the genie sold everything you owned to pay for this private island.

I wish I could get libalut so that Achron would finally work!

Granted. Unfortunately libsdl is no longer working so Achron still won't run.

I wish I had a Power Suit like Samus.

Oralordos wrote:

Granted. Unfortunately libsdl is no longer working so Achron still won't run.

I wish I had a Power Suit like Samus.

OOC: lol that happened when I tried running it on my friends computer

Granted, but samus came with the suit and annihilated you upon sight.

I wish trillioneyes would post so we can get battle of the gods going!

Granted! She posts spam and BotG is ruined forever!
I wish the temperature of the room I am in would be a comfortable temperature for me, not too hot (or too cold for that matter)!